First off, I’d like to say that I appreciate the Metro: it’s safe, relatively clean and almost punctual! I take it every single day and I’d be lost without it, I mean that. Since I commute to work every morning, I have plenty of time to ponder… I ponder about the situation of the world, quantum physics, and ok, I mostly just people watch and read my Kindle. Here’s what flows through my mind. Tell me I’m not alone.
↠ Why does it always smell like popcorn in Atocha? I know it probably tastes like styrofoam, but… maybe just one… no! Keep walking Danni.
↠ Oh gosh, metro police. Why aren’t they as cute as the regular police? Wait, are they carrying guns and wooden batons? That seems excessive.
↠ Do people still sing “ai se eu te pego”? Why yes, yes they do! With a tambourine. It’s 9 a.m.
↠ Seriously, why does Tribunal smell like hot sewer 365 days a year?
↠ Why is it sticky? Ugh. Should've let them grab the handle first.
↠ Is that lady pregnant? Should I stand? Would I offend her if I stood and she’s not pregnant?
↠ Who has time to carve their initials into the window? And why didn’t anyone notice while they were doing it?
↠ Reserved seating: Why is no one else standing up? Ok, so how old is old? She’s probably like 65. Is that old enough to sit?
↠ Why is that person staring at me? Are we playing a game? Is this a game of early-morning chicken?
↠ Uh oh, that’s a microphone... and speakers. Is he, is he going to… shoot! There’s a metro concert 6 inches from me...
↠ I swear, is it just me, or do people prey on empty seats like hungry lions stalking a gazelle in the distance?
↠ Manspreading is real. Close your legs dude, this is not your sofa!
↠ Okay y'all, there’s space in the middle. Don’t just crowd at the door. Move over!
↠ The girl next to me has great taste in music, but poor taste in headphones! I can hear everything.
↠ Did I shower today? Yes, phew. Okay, now who here is allergic to soap and water? Show yourself!
↠ I saw that! I saw you sneeze and touch the railing afterwards, you nasty! Where’s my hand sanitizer?
↠ If they think I’m going to miss my stop because he’s in the middle of butchering a bachata version of a Stevie Wonder song… big mistake buddy!
↠ How much sweat is on these seats in the summer? Yep, just basking in a sweat pool.
↠ Who is in charge of the heating system? It’s either an igloo or an inferno. No wonder we spend 6 out of 12 months with la gripe.
↠ If I looked like Dwayne Johnson, I bet they’d let me get off the train before pushing to get on. Maybe I’ll invest in one of those jackets with spikes all over.
↠ Where are we meeting? Pacifico? No, I don’t go there… too many escalators.
↠ Get yo’ kids, ma’am.
↠ So, you’re just going to take up 3 seats, no? One seat for your bag totally makes sense.
↠ Abuelas are scary.
↠ Ugh, 7 minute wait? What can I do in 7 minutes? Should I walk it? I can walk it. Nah, it just went down to 6 minutes. Now, that’s more realistic.
Maybe I’m weird. Okay, no maybe: I’m weird. I know this. Thanks for taking a peek into the hot mess monologue that flows through my head on a daily basis. Don’t get me wrong, all that said, I like the metro. It’s entertaining. I love the stolen glances from other people when weird ish happens. For example, on my way home today, a man took all the posters off the Renfe train car and told us that the government is trying to sell human tragedy through photo exhibitions for a total sum of 6 euros. Then he proceeded to bust a rhyme. Like I said, never a dull moment.
Please, tell me I’m not the only one.
What are some of your Madrid metro stories? Drop them below!
Danni, Community + Content Director at Las Morenas de España, is a twenty-something, Chicago native currently residing in Madrid. Lover of language, words, and travel, she's managed to combine all of her passions through her work. In her free time, you can find her exploring the winding streets of Madrid, hunting down good flight deals, planning her next adventure and writing & researching for LMDES. Danni loves spicy food, natural hair, music and of course, her wonderful life partner. If you need to find her, she’s the girl with huge hair and her face buried in her Kindle.